Elder Journal - Maturity in Old Age

Elder Journal by Paul Takayanagi

When does a person reach maturity, if ever, in our "stay young, rebellious and belligerent" mindset of contemporary culture? The booming economy of our time is fueled by this kind of energy. The American Association of Retired Person�s magazine, Modern Maturity, highlights all of the celebrities that are turning 50 in that month. Do these people really consider themselves "mature" now?

But just what is "true maturity." Maturity means acting responsibly; it means learning from your mistakes and trying not to make the same ones over and over; it means seeing life in the broader context; it means relying more on your own resources to resolve problems and challenges that come up in your everyday life; and it means sacrificing play when there is work to be done. Actually, now that we really look at what it is, maturity is kind of dull but there are times when it can go a long way.

When I worked at an agency serving seniors in San Francisco, I knew an older woman named Marge. She was the stalwart icon of the organization. There�s one like her in almost every workplace and they all have names like Marge or Betty or Bob or Sam. She�d worked at this agency for twenty years as a program coordinator and was a secretary for an electrical company for twenty-five years before that. She�d been "retired" from there at the age of 52 when the boss wanted a younger looking "administrative aide." She went back to college and three and a half years later received a Bachelor�s degree in Social Work. Then she started working at the agency.

Marge has always acted responsibly. Now, though, on the verge of retiring for a second time in her life, she shares that she wishes she�d lived life a little more "on the edge" as she puts it. She thinks it would�ve been good if she had taken a year or two or three after she left the electrical company to travel, paint and write as she has always dreamed. She�ll be able to do some of that now but at 72, she knows her energy level isn�t as high as when she was 52 years old. She�s reluctant to travel alone and has some vision and hearing problems. She wonders "who knows what I could�ve done then?" You can�t help but get a sense of wistfulness and sadness when you talk to Marge. She�s done everything maturely, without a doubt, but there�s also something missing in her life.

I know another older woman, Genevieve, which is not her given name. She read it in a book when she was 15 and took it as her own. Now, she�s 75 years old, dyes her hair light blue or pink or green depending on the season, wears tons of makeup, dresses in mini-skirts and boots (a la Nancy Sinatra in 1965) and embarrasses her straight-laced husband at every social gathering with her quips and gossip. Besides wife and mother, she's been an artist, a world traveler, an import buyer, a part-time chef and cooking instructor and she's a total delight. Genevieve is lively, loud and says exactly what�s on her mind. Her three grown children will tell you that all they wished when they were growing up was to have a "normal mother."

In the final analysis, like just about everything, maturity is relative. You want your relatives to act maturely and take care of business but you want to be able to live it up and be carefree. Genevieve�s advice is "after you've paid the bills and put food in the fridge, go out and do something wild�while you still can." Pretty good suggestion for a "modernly mature" older woman!

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Aging Well Tomorrow Requires Living Well Today