Elder Journal - To Grandparent or Not

ELDER JOURNAL
by Paul Takayanagi

TO GRANDPARENT OR NOT, THAT�S THE ISSUE

In 2000, the United States Supreme Court voted on one of its most visible cases of the year, case #99-138, Troxel v. Granville, the so-called "Grandparent Visitation Case." This case from the state of Washington involved an adult "daughter-in-law" with two young daughters against the children�s paternal grandparents. The grandparents sought to have court appointed visitation rights to have the children visit in their home for two weekends a month plus a number of weeks in the summer. The mother of the grandchildren wanted the court to reduce the number of visits to one day a month. The court voted in favor of the mother in the case stating that the decision "protects the fundamental right of parents to make decisions concerning the care, custody and control of their children."

The details of the case are complex and for a full brief on the Troxel v. Granville case visit the Grandparent Information Center on the American Association of Retired Persons web page at http://www.aarp.org. In their own words, the Supreme Court members did not act so much against grandparents as for parents in this particular case. The Washington law that they struck down was, in their opinion, unusually sweeping and broad that allowed for any individual, whether related or not, to apply for visitation rights of a child thus usurping parental control.

Of importance in this case is the evolving issue of what it means to be a grandparent in this modern era of traditional and untraditional families. The divorce rate is currently hovering around 50% of all marriages. Every time there is a divorce with children involved, the danger of one set or both grandparents being shut out of their lives is possible.

Emily and Chuck are an older couple in San Mateo County. They are the grandparents of two grandchildren, a 12 year old girl named Audrey and her 10 year old brother Alex. Audrey and Alex�s parents, Tom and Sandy were divorced in 1995. Emily and Chuck are the parents of Tom. When they were divorced, Tom and Sandy had joint custody of the children but they lived with their mother. All three generations of the family resided within a 20 mile radius making frequent visits between grandchildren and paternal grandparents possible. But two years ago, Sandy met her second husband, Bill, who also had two children and the new family of six now headed to San Diego for a new life. Bill�s parents also reside in San Diego and are very close with his two children and were eager to accept Sandy�s children into their family. Meanwhile, Tom met his second wife who had no children and they have no plans for future children. Are you beginning to get the gist of the modern family issues related to intergenerational strife? Last year, Tom and his bride also moved to San Diego so that Tom could be near his children on a regular basis. The outcome out of all of this is that Emily and Chuck feel left out of the picture without grandchildren nearby except for one week a year when Tom brings them to visit. There are now three sets of grandparents in their grandchildren�s lives (Sandy�s parents, Bill, the stepfather�s parents, and themselves) all vying for attention.

The greatest tragedy for many grandparents is when they are denied visiting their grandchildren because they have not gotten along with a son or daughter or in-law relative. There are many cases where even without divorce, the parents of children deny visitation rights of grandparents because of familial disputes. Agnes is a 75 year old widow with one 50 year old daughter named Joanna. Joanna has a son, Joshua, who is now 17 years old. Agnes would love to have a close relationship with her only grandson but she and Joanna have not talked in 15 years because of a longstanding financial issue between them. When Joshua was young, Joanna asked her mother for financial support and Agnes refused on the basis that she had just become a widow and felt she needed all of the small investment income her husband had left her. In reaction, Joanna swore that she would never speak to her mother again and has kept Joshua out of Agnes� life. Though painful, Agnes has never wanted to press legal action against Joanna and instead has hoped that she would "come around some day."

The recent Supreme Court case underscores the importance of families to maintain intergenerational relationships on a healthy and loving level. The best case scenario is when three generations can develop strong working interactions with all having their social needs met by the other generations. If you have the ability to enjoy the ongoing and frequent company of your children and grandchildren, then please feel fortunate, for not all do.

06/00

Aging Well Tomorrow Requires Living Well Today